conflict me

Hmm... I think I am too hard to entertain. When I was in Penang and seperated with SL, I kept saying that I miss SL and wanted to meet with him as soon as possible; but when I am in US now with SL, then I just complain that I miss my friend and want to gather with them then. What do I want? Am I really so conflict?

I arrived here for about two months, but most of my time is with SL, I just feel this life is so isolated, I actually don't like this kind of life, I like to have friend with me, close friend. Though I still have some friends here, we still less to meet because everyone has their companion and SL is kind of homeboy, who seldom to go out, therefore I am his wife has to be together with him as well. I just suddenly feel my life in Penang was much enjoying.

For me, I need to take time with people and build up trust before I can be really mixed up with them, therefore it is really hard for me to have close friends, then we can talk freely. Perhaps, I should change my mindset, else I might need to be all alone in US for the rest of my time.

Sometime, people are just conflicted, right? We won't be satisfied in either situation, we are so greedy :( I told with a friend this afternoon, and told him that is too bored to live in US because I couldn't meet with my close friend, then he just reminded me that SL is with me. Then, I just found that is because I am too hard to entertain, because I want to have husband and close friend together with me at the same time, but sometime life doesn't go like that, therefore we need to learn to adopt and cherish with what we have now and believe that we will meet again with them in one day.

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